Gary Vaynerchuk has created and grown his marketing agency – Vayner Media – from a two person operation to well over 1,000 employees as of the date of this writing.
Like many business leaders, he believes that only the strong survive in business. Many times this attitude results in a strong focus on short-term metrics and a “win at all costs” mentality.
But in Vaynerchuk’s world, it’s emotional intelligence that wins out in the long run, and the strongest people are the leaders that lean into their humanity.
Join us as we explore the 12 soft skills that Vaynerchuk credits with his ability to build and scale his business, and how you can start using them today.
Gratitude
Gratitude is the quality of being thankful and having a readiness to show appreciation for and return kindness.
When you live in the First World, you have a lot to be thankful for. When you consider that half the people on this planet don’t have a toilet, you are already living an extraordinary life, even when life seems hard.
One thing Vaynerchuk points out is that grateful and complacent are two different words. You can both be grateful for what you have, and work your butt off in service of your mission.
Here’s an exercise you can do to create more gratitude in your life.
Turn on the camera on your phone, and record a video with you recounting the five things that are most important to you in the entire world. Then, send that to your closest friends and give them the permission to send it back to you anytime you are complaining about something minor in your life.
Self-Awareness
Self-awareness is a curious knowledge of your own character, feelings, motives, and desires.
This is hard for a lot of people because everybody has strengths and weaknesses. Maybe you are strong in attention to detail, but aren’t very good at creative tasks. Or vice versa. Nobody excels in all areas.
It takes somebody with high levels of confidence to be truly comfortable in their own skin, and to admit their weaknesses.
Those types of people are able to start navigating around their weaknesses. Sometimes that means working with people who complement your weaknesses, other times it might mean getting your weakness to an acceptable baseline.
Here is an exercise you can do to nurture more self-awareness.
Head on over to garyvee.com/selfawareness, and follow the instructions there. It will prompt you to answer a few questions about yourself, and then you’ll send a survey to the people you are closest too to rate you on your answers.
Accountability
Accountability is the condition of being accountable, or being responsible for.
Most people deflect blame onto other people, mistakenly believing that this ultimately leads to more happiness. It doesn’t.
When you blame others, you not only become a victim to the situation, you also give the person you are blaming leverage.
This is the most challenging ingredient for most people, because it leaves them vulnerable to the judgment of other people. But, as Gary points out, accountability can actually reverse the feeling of helplessness that most people feel, because it focuses your attention on what can be done to improve your situation.
Here is an exercise you can do to flex your accountability muscles.
Think about a time recently where you blamed somebody else for something that was actually your fault. Then, post a video or photo in your favorite social media network apologizing for it.
Optimism
Optimism is being hopeful and confident about the future or the successful outcome of something.
Don’t confuse optimism for delusion, which is “a false belief or judgment about external reality, held despite incontrovertible evidence to the contrary, occurring especially in mental conditions.”
Optimism is being excited about your next opportunity, even though the outcome is not guaranteed. This is a lot easier to do when you surround yourself with optimistic people, and limit your exposure to people who drag you down.
Simply put, being optimistic about the future gives you a higher chance of reaching your desired outcome.
Here’s an exercise you can do to create a more optimistic outlook.
Fire up your contacts in your phone and text the five people you believe are the most optimistic, and ask them for a quick phone call. Ask them why they are optimistic, and ask them to use specific examples. Learn from them, and create your own playbook for being more optimistic based on what they tell you.
Empathy
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.
Vaynerchuk loves this one so much that he named a wine brand that he created after it.
He credits his ability to immerse himself in the culture of the moment, and thus understand how people currently think and feel, to make predictions about the future.
At the time of the book’s publication, he’s betting on NFTs and that they will have the same impact that Web 2.0 (what we now all call social media) started to have in 2005.
It also guides him in his day to day. He notes that he gets a lot of hateful comments on his content online because of his persona. He understands that if somebody’s taking time out of their day to leave a negative comment on his content, those people must be in a place of pain. It’s a testament of his ability to put himself in the shoes of others.
Here’s an exercise you can do to start increasing your empathy.
Get in touch with a close family member or friend and ask them to point out a time in the past couple of years where they were upset about something, and your reaction either didn’t help, or made things worse. Learn from that interaction.
Kindness
Kindness is the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate.
Kindness, especially in the business context, doesn’t mean that you are a pushover. You can be both kind, and stand firm in your convictions at the same time.
In fact, kindness can be a superpower when you are in a confrontation with an employee, vendor, or client. When you display kindness in those situations, people have a tendency to open up more, letting you resolve situations faster and more to your benefit.
Many business leaders – Steve Jobs comes to mind – are lionized because of their innovation and creativity. Unfortunately, some people think that because those types of people also chose to be mean in a lot of their dealings with employees, that they need to be as well.
To counter this tendency, here is an exercise you can do to create a kindness habit.
Head on over to GoFundMe.com and donate to a cause that touches your heart. If money is tight for you right now, consider donating your time and expertise to a cause in your neighborhood or town. Flexing your kindness muscle in one area of your life will help you flex it in others.
Tenacity
Tenacity is the quality or fact of being very determined.
Vaynerchuk believes that tenacity is essential to becoming successful on whatever venture you choose.
A lot of people accuse Vaynerchuk of promoting a hustle culture which ultimately causes stress and burnout. But he makes an excellent point that a lot of younger entrepreneurs would be wise to heed.
When you are deploying tenacity towards an empty mission – like making a million dollars, buying a fancy care, or flying on private jets all over the world – burnout is almost a certainty. This is because these types of dreams tend to be driven by seeking the approval of others, which has been proven to be an empty promise, even if you achieve it.
But when you deploy tenacity towards a mission that lights your fire, tenacity keeps you moving when times are tough.
Here’s an exercise you can take on to start strengthening your tenacity.
For the next fifty-five days, do as many push-ups as you can in a row. Take a video on day one documenting how many pushups you can do in a row, and then repeat the exercise on day fifty-five. You’ll be amazed at what you can accomplish with a little tenacity.
Curiosity
Curiosity is a strong desire to know or learn something.
Vaynerchuk believes that this word is underrated in our society. It feels “soft.” But if you pay attention to the details of the definition, you’ll realize that it’s anything but.
There are two words that are important in the definition – strong and learn.
First, you need a strong work ethic if you want to be successful. As an example, if you were an ambitious sixty-five year old who recently retired, you could reinvent yourself on social media, sharing the knowledge you’ve accumulated in your career. This would take a strong work ethic to get up to speed on something you might not be familiar with.
Second, you need to learn. Continuing the example from above, you’d need to spend time getting to know the ins and outs of the different social platforms to find the one that would be a good fit, and experiment with what works and what doesn’t.
Here’s an exercise you can do to start piquing your curiosity.
Post a video on social media (or if you are more comfortable, an email to your network) telling them you are on a curiosity mission. Ask them to send you a link to an article or video of something they are passionate about. Choose one of the responses and spend twenty hours over the next month reading, listening or watching videos on that topic.
Patience
Patience is the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset.
If Vaynerchuk has his way, patience will be in the K-12 curriculum everywhere someday.
He points out that he’s seen a lot of employees come through his companies who were destined to do great things, but their careers were undone by a lack of patience. They demanded career progression and raises before they had proven themselves in their current roles.
Patience doesn’t mean that you need to be any less ambitious or tenacious. In fact, the scale of your dreams can be even larger if you broaden your time horizon.
As a leader, patience allows you to give your employees room to grow and develop. Small mistakes live as mole holes and don’t turn into mountains.
Here’s an exercise you can use to slow down and start being a little more patient.
Open up your calendar and create an event titled “You still have plenty of time.” Set it so that it opens up as a reminder ever six months at 9am for the next ten years (yes, ten years!). Consider adding your ten, twenty, and thirty year goals to that event to remind yourself what you are working towards.
Conviction
Conviction is a firmly held belief or opinion.
Most people believe that stating their convictions out loud is a vulnerability. You might be wrong, after all.
For Vaynerchuk, conviction is like religion. It’s the north start that keeps you on track, letting you be tenacious throughout you journey, especially during the tough times.
One example he gives is around the potential and power of NFTs, which at the time of this writing have the potential to disrupt the world in a many different ways, but still has an uncertain future.
Gary says that if Elon Musk, Warren Buffet, Oprah Winfrey, and Jeff Bezos all walked into his room right now and told him that NFTs were nonsense, he wouldn’t care one bit. His convictions, based on curiosity and learning over the past couple of years, have led him to an incredibly strong conviction.
The point here is that very successful people almost always have convictions that at some point were resisted by almost everybody, but eventually seem inevitable when you look at them in the rear view mirror.
Here’s an exercise to start building your convictions, which will have a lot to do with your long-term success.
Write down one strong belief that you’ve doubled down on over time. Then, write down a belief that you have wavered from over time. What can you learn by looking at those two scenarios?
Humility
The definition of humility is a low view of one’s own importance.
Vaynerchuk makes a point of saying that he hates this definition. He believes that you can have a high view of yourself on one hand, but still practice humility on the other.
For instance, he keeps himself grounded by realizing that even when cultural icons or influential politicians pass away, we mourn for a short period and then life goes on. All of us, no matter our level of success, will be forgotten when we pass on.
But at the same time, he would like to redefine humility as “a comfort in one’s own understanding of one’s position in the world.”
You can be both confident in your abilities to achieve your great mission in life, but humble in demeanor as you strive towards it.
Here’s an exercise to cultivate a little more humility in your life.
Spend five minutes writing down every single thing you are not good at. Then, post it somewhere you can see it every day. This will become a gentle reminder that although you possess many strengths and are on an inspiring mission, you should remain humble because you are far from perfect.
Ambition
Ambition is a strong desire to achieve something, typically requiring determination and hard work.
Vaynerchuk’s ambition is to one day buy the New York Jets football team. He points out that even though he wakes up each day excited to chase his dream and document the journey, he won’t be upset at all if he doesn’t achieve it.
For him, a healthy ambition looks just like that. It should motivate you to get out of bed every morning willing and able to do your best work, but at the same time, whether or not you achieve it shouldn’t be at the core of your identity.
When you are in that frame of mind, you can let the world know what your ambitions are without fear of failing to achieve them. It’s the perfect balance.
Here’s an exercise you can do to start to stoke the fire of your ambition.
Record a selfie talking about your biggest ambition in life, and post it on social media.
Conclusion
There are many things that will determine how far you make it in life. Cultivating some or all of these skills will take you a long way.
Remember to enjoy the journey.