Here’s the short version of how to identify your communication style.

People fall into one of four main categories of communication style.

To explain, I’m going to use some stereotypes. They may not be perfect, but it’ll help me explain.

Think how Hollywood portrays how a computer programmer communicates.

They are quiet. Highly accurate. Conscientious. Cautious.

Then think of a Hollywood-style CEO and how they communicate.

They are direct, forceful, and don’t mince their words.

Before I get to the next two styles, let’s pause for a moment.

If a Hollywood-style CEO had to communicate with a Hollywood-style computer programmer, how would they get on?

Immediately, there’s potential for conflict. Not just over “difficult feedback” but over ANYTHING.

One is loud and direct. The other is quiet and reserved. Neither is right or wrong, they simply communicate differently.

Let’s go back to our stereotypes.

Let’s add-in a life-and-soul-of-the-party. How do they communicate?

They're enthusiastic, sociable, and friendly.

They’d probably frustrate the CEO by not getting down to business, and overwhelm them programmer by being far too intense.

Then a fourth and final person. Think of a leader who loves to coach their people. How would they communicate? They’d be patient, predictable, and cooperative.

And here's the problem:

Each of these stereotypes naturally assume everyone else communicates in the same way they do. That’s wrong. I call this “Predictable Conflict”.

Everyone sees the world differently and communicates differently.

So let me ask you a question.

Which of the four styles do you think reflects YOU? (It’s a bit of a trick question as you’re almost certainly a blend of two to three types.)

Have a look at this document. It’s an edited version of a key document we use every day and will help describe the impact of one communication style trying to communicate with another.

Look at the “Words that work” and “Words that don’t work” for each style. (Click on it to open a larger copy in a new tab.)

Each style has their own “words” they naturally resonate with. Find the ones that resonate with you.

Then look at the words that work for other styles. In some cases, you’ll find they can give you a negative physical reaction and be obviously wrong.

Which style do you resonate with?

Now here’s the MAGIC.

Are there any “Words that work” or “Words that don’t work” in the other styles that REALLY don’t work for you?

Now imagine your boss asking you to turn in a report they’d previously said wasn’t due for two weeks.

If they used the words your communication style prefers, how would you feel about it? Chances are, you’d be a touch frustrated, but you’d understand why they were asking.

But what if they used the words from a different communication style?

What if they used the words from a style that didn’t resonate with you? How would you feel about doing the work now?

Words have power.

The problem is that people don’t come with user manuals. They’re tricky to communicate with. They are irrational. They are human.

When you understand a person’s communication style, you get instant access to their unique user manual. And not a “metaphysical” user manual! You get a literal one:

(The text on the right is intentionally blurred out. You'll understand why in the next section.)

Imagine if there’s someone who’s not hearing your message. What if you simply changed your words to their words?

The CEO would immediately be able to communicate and their message be heard by the programmer. The programmer would be able to communicate and be heard by life-and-soul.

It breaks down communication barriers instantly and invisibly. It’s a super-power any leader can and should have access to.

And we’re not even starting to scratch the surface of how powerful this can be.

You may know the statistic that 70% of the US workforce is disengaged. And you may know that the number one reason employees cite is “I don’t like how my boss talks to me.” The number two reason is “I don’t feel connected to my work.”

Imagine if you had to talk to an employee and give them some challenging feedback. With the first tool, you’ll have the words you need to use so they’d hear your message and understand.

It’s a good start, but what if you also knew precisely how to motivate them so ?

We’ll cover that next...